Dating After Divorce: Things To Consider While Healing

“Trust that something good in you will bring something good through you!”- Iyanla Vanzant, Author

How is the single life? If I had to answer, GREAT! There are endless opportunities to meet other people, go on multiple dates, and travel the world, ALONE! Yes, alone. You need this time to forgive, heal, and rebuild. There are times when loneliness kicks in and you no longer have that person to comfort you when you’re having a bad day at work, prepare meals when you’re extremely tired, take care of the children so you can enjoy 15 minutes of quiet time or support you emotionally.

Divorce is the end of that chapter in your life’s bio. Now it’s time to begin a new chapter in life, and it won’t be easy at first. But like most things, we figure it out. You are now only responsible for yourself. Be selfish if you must. Your emotions will be out of whack for a while and it’s ok to cry about it. Seek a therapist to help you through the process. The same friends during your marriage saw the good, bad, and the ugly. I would not recommend seeking their advice right now. Get professional help.

Remember, never forget your why. You filed for divorce for a reason. You went through the process for a reason, and you took a step forward knowing it was the best decision for you. At some point, you got fed up, now it’s time for you to grow. Love yourself a little harder and someone will notice you.

Are You Ready To Begin Your New Journey?

Dating after a divorce will probably be the most challenging depending on how long the marriage lasted. But word of advice; do not rush into a new relationship. Stay grounded and heal. Your focus should be your peace. Triggers can deter you from ever wanting to seek out others. Don’t get involved until you’re ready to allow someone new to love you. At times, your new person unknowingly displays characteristics you’ve seen before, it will only prompt you to react in a way that scares them away. Again, heal before pursuing someone or agreeing to dates.

Questions You Should Ask Yourself Before Dating:
• Are you healed?
• Have you forgiven yourself and your past?
•Are you ready?
•Do you love yourself enough to love someone else?
•Are you willing to compromise?
•Have you changed since your last first date?

If your answers are Yes to all the questions above, you’re ready to date.

11 Steps On Being Successful In Dating After Divorce:

Lead With Love. And when I say this, I mean, allow your new person an opportunity to show you why they are interested. Remove all self-doubt, it only leads to worrying. Be yourself and reveal only what you’re comfortable sharing. No one is perfect.
Always Be Intentional. If you’re wanting to just be friends or friends with benefits, communicate that. At the end of the day, you are either official or beneficial. Don’t waste your time or theirs.
Be Authentic. Be yourself! There is nothing more disappointing than knowing someone is not genuine.
Communication Is Key In Every Affair. Express your wants and needs. Speak up when you’re feeling a certain way about how things are going. If they are ignored, do not apply pressure. Move on! See, we tend to think we can help others with whatever they are going through, however, we are vulnerable ourselves.
Take Your Time When You Meet Your New Person. We tend to pour all of our eggs into one basket. Hate to say this, but we are living in a time where dating has become overwhelming, and we just need someone’s affection. Slow down and enjoy the moment. The right attention from the wrong person while lonely can fool you into thinking they are the one.
Hold Off On Introducing Them To Your Children, Especially If They Are From Your Previous Marriage. Not only are your children experiencing depression from their parents’ divorce; they are always rooting for you to be successful in being happy and finding love again.
Enjoy One Another’s Company. Put your phones down and concentrate on them. Social media is a distraction and for entertainment. Get out of those folks’ business and focus on what’s in front of you. Time is of the essence.
Never Compare Them To Your Past. Our past traumatic experiences condition us to react instead of responding. This will set the tone of your courtship.
Go On Multiple Dates With Multiple People Even By Yourself. No, I’m not saying sleep with all of them but leave an open line of communication. Your first date may not be your lifelong partner. For instance, do not date to only seek romantic relationships. Platonic relationships are just as important. It’s a chance to build a friendship.
Never Date To Feel A Void From A Past Relationship. You’re fresh out! We’re human and we will search for someone to fill that void if we’re desperate. However, think of that person and their feelings as well. Don’t lead them on.
Trust Your Gut! When something isn’t right and red flags are flying at half-staff, remember why you are single.
Set Boundaries But Not Expectations. You can’t blame others for disappointment. You must blame yourself for expecting too much. For example, set those boundaries when you are unsure about their approach. Never settle for less when you know you deserve better.

You’re Finally Ready

Most importantly when you’re ready and you both are sure about your future. Give them your all. Let them know how you feel and where things are leading. This could happen in weeks, months, or maybe years. You’ve just removed yourself from a bad situation. Whether it was you or them, you now have a fresh start at being a new person with your current person. You know who you are, so whatever flaws caused your past relationship to fail, work on them. We get so caught up on being “Me”, Not realizing, it’s not a good look to others.

Should you consider a new approach on how you show up in your next relationship? absolutely! A person with a beautiful soul will always consider how they’re perceived by others. It’s meaningful and needed to help us find that special person.

In short, divorce should not mean your dating life is doomed forever. It doesn’t mean you’ll never get married again. It simply means one door has closed; therefore, another door will open.

I hope this finds you at your happiest place and encourage you to take care of yourself first! I’m holding space for all that are still questioning their self-worth. Keep healing because you are valuable. You attract who you are.

And when you’re REALLY ready, go get him (her). Log into that dating site, get dressed and show up, respond to the DMs.

Recommendation For Healing:

Journaling- I recommend: In Courage- A daily practice for self-discovery by Alexandra Elle
Reading- I recommend: Milk and Honey by Rupi Kaur
Start Mediating and Manifesting the love you deserve.
Seek Therapy- Get some professional help for cooping.

Happy Healthy Hunting! ❤️