Parenting: Stop bringing the courtesy gift.

There’s a new trend going around children’s birthday parties where people bring a gift or something small for children or siblings to open as well. The thought process is they don’t want the sibling to feel left out and there for get upset and want them to feel included. While the sentiment is great and probably easier overall on the parents, it might be time to stop this practice.

Look I get it. Birthday parties I’m sure are hell on parenting. Between prepping for the party, making sure everyone has a good time, making sure you’ve got gifts for your kid, making sure there’s enough food and such. I’m sure worrying about an upset child is the last thing you want to do. If there was a way to keep the other child from having a total meltdown I’m sure it’s welcomed.

The most concerning part of this practice is eliminating what makes birthdays special for the child who’s birthday it is. If each person brings a gift for the birthday girl/boy and then a gift for their sibling, what makes that day special for them? Of course sharing is part of the lessons we need to teach kids but courtesy gifts for a sibling are kind of in the same line as participation trophies. Stripping children of what makes them special crushes the little moments they share in life to value theirselves. Sure gifts don’t

Putting value on things like winning sports championships, having birthdays, and special moments along the way teaches children to value others as well. Parenting is tough but we need to teach youth that while there are moments that they are special too, that there are other times they need to let others have their moments. Teach your kids to value others and their moments and their accomplishments.

When kids don’t get accustomed to putting others first, they’re being taught to devalue those around them. Think of it in terms of rare collectibles. These moments in a childhood’s lives where they’re not the center of attention turns their moments into limited edition collectibles. The fewer and further between they are, the more they learn to value them for themselves and others. Give them too many of these moments where they need to be included and they become throw away moments, kind of like the toys thrown away at the end of the year because there’s too many of them and they’re worthless.

Struggling to say and do the right thing makes parenting as hard as it may seem. However, there are teachable moments along the way that we all need to take time to explain to our kids. Yes they will get mad at first, but the sadness will go away. Teaching them to throw away moments or not put others first is the destroys the connections we have with others.